This week started with a reunion.

38 years ago, I graduated from Edina High School with two guys named Brian and Kevin. We ran for Pontifex Maximus of our Latin Club - all three of us together. Our campaign slogan was "The 3 of us are better than VI." (Get it? VI = sex in Latin. You're welcome.)

We stayed in distant touch on Facebook. Then Brian posted asking for people to shoot B-roll for his company, Game Show Studio. Something made me raise my hand.

Two years ago? I wouldn't have gone.

Two years ago I was safe and dead in my corporate job. Too exhausted from maintaining the professional mask to do anything with anyone except the few friends I already knew well. The kind of safe that keeps you small.

But I went. Showered, dressed, drove somewhere new to meet someone I hadn't seen in decades. When I got there, Brian said Kevin was coming too.

We played game show games as contestants. Then went out for dinner and sat talking for two hours.

I had more fun than I would have had staying home. And I almost didn't go.

That was Monday.

Tuesday night at 9PM, I realized Wednesday was Smidge's birthday. I'd been so caught up in the constant grind - doing the things, making the calls, trying to get business - that I almost missed it entirely.

Gift giving is my love language. And I had nothing to give him.

Wednesday morning I woke up and my bank account was in the red. For the first time in a very long time, I didn't have money squirreled away somewhere else to fix it.

My creditors have been calling and emailing nonstop for two weeks. I've been interviewing for contract work. Nothing's coming through.

I spiraled.

Not the "this is uncomfortable" kind. The full-body panic where your chest gets tight and your brain is screaming that you're doomed and there's no way out and you've failed at everything.

I've always said "I can always make more money." But I haven't been acting like it.

I did the only thing I could think of: posted on LinkedIn and Facebook asking if anyone wanted to buy me a coffee in exchange for AI coaching.

It felt like begging. Like admitting I was helpless. Like proving every voice in my head right - that I couldn't do this, that I should have stayed in corporate, that I was fooling myself thinking I could build something real.

I cried most of that day.

But here's what actually happened:

My posse showed up.

One person sent a DoorDash gift card so Smidge and I could have a decent birthday meal. Others posted Star Trek birthday wishes on my page. Some just handed me money. And then people I'd been meaning to work with reached out to book 1:1 coaching sessions.

The next day I talked to Shannon, my sales coach.

She didn't tell me I was doing it wrong. She told me to stop BEING helpless and powerless. To choose something else.

Not "feel better about it." Not "reframe it." Choose something else.

Thursday my bank account went red. Twice. And both times I brought it back up. Because people kept showing up with AI problems I could solve for them.

I chose.

Here's what I'm seeing now: I've been choosing myself for two years.

Getting the ADHD diagnosis that freed me up to be entirely myself. Jumping on Zoom calls with complete strangers. Showing up at a game show studio to see two guys I hadn't seen since 1987. Building something real instead of staying safe and small.

The crisis didn't break me. It just made the pattern clear.

You're not stuck because you're broken. You're stuck because you're still BEING the person who waits for permission.

Choose something else.

You used to just go places without making a pros and cons list first.

You used to ask for what you needed. Before you learned that asking meant you were weak. Or needy. Or unprofessional.

You used to be yourself - ADHD, weird, too-much, whatever - without apologizing for taking up space.

Then someone taught you different. Be smaller. Be quieter. Be ready before you show up. Prove you deserve help before you ask for it.

So you waited. And performed. And stayed safe.

Here's what you're remembering:

That voice saying "are you sure?" isn't protecting you. It's keeping you small.

The part of you that just goes? That asks when she needs something? That shows up even when she's not ready?

She didn't go anywhere. You just forgot you were allowed to listen to her.

You don't need permission to choose yourself.

You never did.

I don’t remember much of this past week (the gift and curse of having ADHD) but here are some links to things that either made me laugh, made me cry, or basically made me feel something other than stress.

Can Pain Be Helpful - Mayim Bialik

Your brain will throw you physical pain to protect you from emotional pain. Like running on a broken ankle to escape a predator, your body manifests symptoms to distract you from the "dangerous" emotional stuff. Mayim and Jonathan talk to psychotherapist Nicole Sachs about what your nervous system is actually telling you. This landed hard after my Wednesday spiral.

It’s Not You, It’s The Market

2023: US added 3M jobs. 2024: 2.2M jobs. 2025: 181,000 jobs. The unemployment rate is steady at 4.4%, but the market shifted. If you're job searching and wondering why nothing's landing - it's not you. The math changed. This is why I stopped trying to be hireable.

Munchy Crunchy Manatee

A manatee eating things off the ocean floor with human "nom nom nom" sounds dubbed over it. I have watched this 23 times. Sometimes you just need a chunky sea potato making happy eating noises. That's it. That's the whole thing.

Partner of the week

Turns out newsletters don't pay for themselves. Who knew?

This week's partner helps keep the lights on and I’ve been a subscriber for years:

Think of this as a mental power-up.

Morning Brew is the free daily newsletter that helps you make sense of how business news impacts your career, without putting you to sleep. Join over 4 million readers who come for the sharp writing, unexpected humor, and yes, the games… and leave feeling a little smarter about the world they live in.

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Eight questions. Emoji answers. Find out which midlife archetype you are.

Then get 3 AI prompts customized to your vibe. One for work. One for home. One for fun.

No email. No login. Just click, answer, get results.

You know that person you haven't talked to in months? The one where every time you think "I should reach out" and then don't because it's been so long it feels weird?

This prompt writes the message for you.

Role:

You are a friend who helps people reconnect after too much time has passed, without making it awkward or guilt-heavy.

Objective:

Help me write an "I've been thinking about you" message that doesn't sound like I forgot they existed.

Context:

I haven't talked to this person in a while and I feel bad about it. I don't need to explain why I disappeared. I just need to reconnect without making it weird. Ask me a few quick questions, then write the message.

Output:

Ask me:

Then give me 2 versions of the message:

Both should feel warm, not guilty. Like I'm just showing up, not apologizing for being gone.

✨ Try it in ChatGPT (free version works great)

Tuesday, February 24 | 11AM CST
Webcast with Jessie Schofer (Founder of Stakkd): How to Choose the Right AI for HR. Because "which AI tool should I use?" is the question everyone's asking and nobody's answering clearly.

Wednesday, February 25 | 9-11AM CST
Hang Out & Tinker with Deb. Bring your AI questions, half-finished projects, or just show up. We'll figure stuff out together. Hosted by the R Generation community on Circle. (The community is free to join - if you want to hangout!)

Friday, February 27 | 10AM CST - 30 Minutes
Friday Jam Session with Joy Prompt Club. This is my weekly session with my Joy Prompt Club members. We’re a small but mighty group of midlife women who are ready to make AI our biaaaatch.

Thursday my bank account went red twice. Both times I fixed it. Because people kept showing up with problems I could solve.

That's what choosing looks like. Not perfect. Not planned. Just doing the next thing when it shows up.

If you're in that space where asking for help feels like admitting you failed - it's not. It's being honest about where you are.

Shannon was right. Stop BEING helpless. Choose something else.

I'm still learning how.

💜 Deb

P.S. If this newsletter landed, hit reply and tell me. I actually read them. And right now I could use the reminder that being honest is working.

P.P.S. That friend check-in prompt? Use it. Someone's been waiting to hear from you.