It's been one of those weird weeks where time has lost all meaning. Monday I drove back from St. Louis where I was visiting my sisters - 10 hours in the car. I've always loved roadtrips. When I lived in Houston, I'd drive back to Minnesota several times a year. 18 hours from my front door to Minneapolis. Back then I'd do it in one full trip.

As I've gotten older, I take it a bit slower. Sometimes I'll stop at a hotel for the night, bring my husband along to share the driving, pull over at random roadside attractions. But I still love them. There's something about being suspended between leaving and arriving that gives roadtrips this sense of freedom. You're not accountable to home and not yet responsible to your destination. You're just... in motion.

I used to listen to audiobooks - unabridged only, cannot do an abridged book. I remember having books on tape, books on CD. When Audible came out I was one of the first subscribers.

But since I've been actively building a business, I haven't been able to lose myself in a story the way I used to. So my roadtrips now are a combo of audiobook, playlists, and speaking to a chatbot.

Because that's one of the things I love about AI - I have it on my phone and I can simply talk to it and work through things. What inevitably happens now, as someone who builds and makes things, is that a phrase or an idea will spark my brain in a way that has me thinking about how I'd solve that problem, or create something that would make a difference.

Two weeks ago I made the choice to stop being hireable - to no longer look for a permanent position.

Since then? Several people reached out to partner on cool ideas. Contracting gigs showed up - sometimes several a day. This is after weeks of crickets.

And the difference wasn't deciding. It was choosing.

Deciding keeps your options open.

You weigh the pros and cons. Do the gut check. Pick what seems best (or least worst). But you haven't actually closed any doors. You're still in research mode with commitment flavor.

Choosing closes doors.

And apparently, closing doors is what makes other doors open.

I figured this out years ago with my cat, Kylie. Kylie is a drooler. Like, strings-of-drool-hanging-from-her-mouth level drooler. And she only drools when she purrs. Which she does constantly, because she's a one-person cat and I'm her person.

For years, I wouldn't let her sit on me. At all. The second she'd try to curl up on my lap, I'd push her away. Because drool. I decided I loved her, but I also decided I wasn't dealing with that slime situation.

Then one night at a seminar about this exact difference between deciding and choosing, I turned to my husband and said out loud: "I choose Kylie."

Everything changed.

Not her drool - she still does that. But now I keep napkins nearby. I let her curl up. I get blotches on my shirt and sometimes I'll still push her off when it's too much. But I stopped rejecting her by default. I stopped the automatic "nope, not today" every time she approached.

I chose her. So now when she drools, it's just part of the deal.

I use this same move when I've committed to go somewhere and Really Don't Wanna. Instead of showing up grudgingly - keeping my word but making sure everyone knows I'm not happy about it - I choose to go. Turns out choosing makes the whole thing less exhausting.

But here's what I didn't see until two weeks ago: I'd been deciding to build my business while keeping the job search door open. Just in case. You know, being smart about it.

And that "just in case" was costing me everything.

The moment I actually chose - closed the job search door, stopped hedging - my business started occurring completely differently. Not because I manifested it or put out good vibes. Because I stopped spending energy trying to keep options open.

Commitment has physics.

And you can't move forward while holding every door open behind you.

Here's what I keep forgetting: My calendar is not my boss.

For months I'd been blocking off every time slot - something had to be in every hour or I wasn't being productive enough. Not realizing that all that structure was keeping me stuck in my seat and making me feel overwhelmed.

This week was weird. I spent 10 hours in the car Monday. I rested when I felt like it. I worked at odd hours. I had a few calls I'd committed to, but the rest of the time? I just... moved when I had energy.

Turns out, when you stop filling every blank space, you actually get to choose what goes there.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that empty time meant I was lazy. That if I wasn't scheduled, I wasn't serious. That rest was something you earned after proving you'd done enough.

But this week I remembered: I'm allowed to trust myself. My energy. My rhythms. Even when they don't fit in neat hourly blocks.

The blank spaces aren't failures. They're where the actual work happens.

I don’t remember much of this past week (the gift and curse of having ADHD) but here are some links to things that either made me laugh, made me cry, or basically made me feel something other than stress.

Minnesota White Women Are Apparently Gangsters Now

A Brit volunteers at a Twin Cities charity and cannot get over how aggressively protective the white women are. Like, showing up asking how to shield people at risk, full mob energy. He's never experienced this level of allyship from white people anywhere else. Mad props to MN.

Gen X Girl Names Ranked (You Already Know What's #1)

Stephanie, Amy, Heather, Lisa, Jennifer, Tracy. If you had three of these in your homeroom, you're Gen X. This guy does Gen X nostalgia content and I smashed that follow button so fast my phone almost broke.

Feminist Barbie AI Art (Spicy Edition)

Fair warning: if you're not into AI art using Barbie dolls with a dark feminist bent, some cussing, and general "done with the patriarchy" energy, skip this one. If you DO have a dark sense of humor and are over it? This is absolutely your cup of tea.

Partner of the week

Turns out newsletters don't pay for themselves. Who knew?

This week's partner helps keep the lights on and I’d love to hear if you actually do check out this homework offer:

You've already explained it three times. You're tired. They're tired.

But homework still isn't done and patience isn't magically refilling.

Acadia Learning gives families unlimited tutoring for $40/month:

Trusted by 10,000+ families who know it's okay to tap out.

Book your first session by the end of the month and get 50% off your first month.

Book your first session

You fill in seven blanks. Click suggested words or type your own. Generate a prompt. Then either copy it to use anywhere, or click "Run it now" and watch it actually work.

No research required. No perfect words needed. Just pick something and see what happens.

It's choosing practice with training wheels. And nothing breaks when you just click a button.

Sometimes you just need a small spark. Not a whole life overhaul, not a massive project - just three little things that would make this week feel less heavy. This prompt asks you three quick questions and then suggests actual doable things that might make you smile. No pressure. Just possibilities.

Role:

Enthusiastic joy detective

Objective:

Help me find 3 tiny things that would genuinely make me smile this week

Context:

I need small, doable sparks of joy - not big commitments

Output:

Ask me ONE question at a time. After I answer, ask the next one. After 3 questions total, suggest 3 specific things I could do this week that would make me smile.

How I stay sane in the craziness around me? Protect my joy.

✨ Try it in ChatGPT (free version works great)

Thursday, February 19 | 9-10AM CST
This is me, sharing my screen, dorking around in at least 1 chatbot (likely more) just doing my stuffs. Feel free to join and lurk, or if you’re feeling brave (or spicy!) you can come off mute or write in the chat. I welcome all questions and there’s nothing I love better than solving other peoples’ AI conundrums.

Friday, February 20 | 10AM CST
Friday Jam Session with Joy Prompt Club. This is my weekly session with my Joy Prompt Club members. We’re a small but mighty group of midlife women who are ready to make AI our biaaaatch.

Tuesday, February 24 | 11AM CST
Webcast with Jessie Schofer (Founder of Stakkd): How to Choose the Right AI for HR. Because "which AI tool should I use?" is the question everyone's asking and nobody's answering clearly.

Commitment has physics. Choosing closes doors. And sometimes the best thing you can do is stop keeping all your options open and just pick one.

Try the Mad Libs. See what happens when you stop researching and just click a button.

And if you figure out which door you're ready to close this week, hit reply and tell me about it. I'm genuinely curious.

💜 Deb

P.S. The Mad Libs uses AI to respond when you click "Run it now" - but you can also just copy the prompt and paste it into ChatGPT, Claude, or Gemini. Whatever works for you.

P.P.S. Coming to AI Shenanigans this week? You can bring up to 3 friends. Check the What's coming up section for details.