I'm writing this from Missouri. Everyone's out for breakfast. I stayed behind because I have a newsletter to write and also because I've been avoiding my laptop since I got here at 1AM Friday.

This place will be packed for the Super Bowl in a few hours. Which means I'm working on my phone for as long as humanly possible before I have to admit defeat and pull out the lappy.

I came here to change my environment. To stop the thing I've been doing for nine months where I pretend I can run in two directions at once.

Here's what that looks like: Job searching because money and safety and not being the unemployed person at parties. While also building a business. While also telling everyone I'm "keeping my options open."

Keeping my options open is code for "splitting myself in half so thoroughly that I'm doing neither thing well."

Last week I interviewed for a startup called Pinnacle. AI Agent Strategist role. 70% building AI agents, 30% working with customers to improve the product.

The role sits at the intersection of learning and development, applied AI, product, and customer success. Designing AI coaching agents. Making sure AI reflects real-world coaching best practices.

I even had homework. Build an agent. Which I did.

The Engineer interviewing me? He got it. I could see him leaning in. Like, "Oh thank god, someone who actually understands both the tech AND the humans."

The CEO?

Not so much.

I don't know if it was my lack of startup polish, or my 24 years at a corporate giant, or the fact that I can't do subservient anymore. But I left that call knowing exactly how it would end.

They emphasized they're moving fast. It's been radio silence since. I know what that means.

And here's the weird part:

I'm not disappointed the way I expected to be.

I'm relieved.

Yesterday I left my sister's house to pick up dinner - Italian beef sandwiches from Gioia's Deli. On the way back I stopped at several places to fulfill cravings I've been ignoring for months because hello, working every day to build something of my own.

I had the windows down. Missouri is a balmy 46 degrees. I was driving a zippy rental Kia Soul with "Firestarter" cranked on the stereo.

And before I knew it I was fist pumping and hollering backup lyrics at the top of my lungs.

It felt like a release. Like I was finally dropping the weight I've been carrying.

Because that interview showed me something I'd been pretending not to see: I've been trying to make myself hireable. And it's been keeping me from being free.

I'm done with that now.

Here's what you keep forgetting: You were never supposed to make yourself smaller to fit into roles that don't want you.

You were supposed to be yourself. Fully. And let the wrong opportunities pass you by.

But somewhere along the way - probably around the time someone told you to "tone it down" or "be more flexible" or "maybe consider" - you learned that being hireable meant being willing to edit the parts of you that make you inconvenient.

The jobs that don't want you? They don't want your decades of knowing things. They want someone who will fit into the shape they've already decided on.

And you've been trying to be that shape.

You don't need to reinvent yourself into someone more palatable. You need to reclaim the person you were before you learned to perform.

The one who knows things. Who can't do subservient anymore. Who's too much for systems that were never built to hold you.

That person? She's not unemployable.

She's just done auditioning.

I don’t remember much of this past week (the gift and curse of having ADHD) but here are some links to things that either made me laugh, made me cry, or basically made me feel something other than stress.

If men experienced menopause, we'd call it a medical emergency

Women lose 90% of their peak hormones in a few years. For men to experience the same hormonal drop? 180 years. Sleep breaks. Libido tanks. Anxiety rises. Emotional regulation gets hard. And somehow women are still expected to just "cope." If this happened to men, there'd be a national task force.

Men panic at discomfort. Women are trained to function through it.

Women grow up learning to function through pain - not discomfort, actual pain. Physical pain. Emotional pain. The kind that would send most men to urgent care. Men grow up learning that discomfort means something's wrong and needs fixing. So when relationships get hard, one partner has decades of practice pushing through pain and the other thinks the relationship is broken. It's not broken. It's just hard.

Aging like fine wine. Feeling like a feisty witch.

The world keeps telling us we're supposed to age gracefully. Quiet. Soft. Grateful. Meanwhile we're out here aging like fine wine and feeling like feisty witches. And honestly? That's the vibe.

Partner of the week

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Valentine's Day is coming. You know what that means.

Cards that say "You complete me" when what you really mean is "You remembered to buy milk this week and I'm genuinely impressed."

This freebie generates honest Valentine's cards. The kind Hallmark would never print but everyone actually wants to send.

For your friend who keeps dating the same person. Your coworker who microwaves fish. Yourself for making it through January without breaking anything important.

Answer 2 questions. Get 5 cards. Laugh at how accurate AI is about universal relationship truths.

That's it.

After a week of interview rejections and existential realizations, I needed something light.

So here's a prompt that turns your regular Wednesday into the opening scene of a sitcom. The 90-second bit before the theme song where something ridiculous happens and the audience goes "wait, WHAT?"

Role:

You're a sitcom writer who turns ordinary life into cold open scenes.

Objective:

Write the cold open for my life as a sitcom.

Context:

Ask me these two questions (one at a time):

Then write the scene based on my answers.

Output:

Cold open format with scene description, dialogue, and the moment where the audience laughs. Keep it 90 seconds max. Make it feel like my life is actually interesting.

Will this solve anything? No.

Will it remind you you're the protagonist? Yeah.

And sometimes that's enough.

✨ Try it in ChatGPT (free version works great)

Wednesday, February 11 | 9-11AM CST
Hang Out & Tinker with Deb. Bring your AI questions, half-finished projects, or just show up. We'll figure stuff out together. Hosted by the R Generation community on Circle.

Friday, February 13 | 10AM CST
Friday Jam Session with Joy Prompt Club. Because Friday the 13th right before Valentine's Day feels like the right time to practice joy prompts.

Tuesday, February 24 | 11AM CST
Webcast with Jessie Schofer (Founder of Stakkd): How to Choose the Right AI for HR. Because "which AI tool should I use?" is the question everyone's asking and nobody's answering clearly.

I'm still in Missouri. Heading home tomorrow.

This week I figured out something I'd been avoiding: I can't keep trying to be two people at once. One for the job market. One for myself.

I'm picking one. The real one.

If you're in that spot too - where you're realizing the thing you've been reaching for doesn't actually want you and maybe that's okay - you're not alone in it.

More next week.

💜 Deb

P.S. If something in this week's newsletter landed for you, reply and tell me. I actually read them. And I answer.

P.P.S. My inbox is open. If you're stuck or confused or just need someone to say "yeah, that makes sense" - I'm here.